Tis the last day of my time on Facebook.. As I thought about it, a song from the Sound of Music came into mind.. So long, Farewell… I thought Fredrich’s part was a fitting line to place on my profile..
“So long farewell, auf weidersehen adieu
Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you”
Do I feel a wee bit sad on the end of this torrid relationship? A little, but it’s time to move on. My creative juices (pun NOT intended) have been left alone for too long. They’re bubbling, waiting to spill forth onto words… across the screen and perhaps onto readers…
So onward I shall go. Write I shall do. No longer shall I stifle my urges.. those being creative.. get your mind out of the gutter! tsk tsk…
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Adieu Facebook….
… may I remember the fond times we’ve had, and forget the mind-numbing, time-wasting that I’ve done…
It’s near the end of July. The countdown of my unFacebooking begins.
My actions have been questioned. People admitting that yes you do spend quite a bit of time on Facebook, but you’re able to connect with so many friends. Keep in touch.
Well.. that’s what email accounts, the post and the phone is for. Yes I’m backtracking. Going back to the somewhat olden days of one-on-one communication. Perhaps I miss the closeness that brought. Instead of the mass messaging, ‘oohh i had tofu for lunch and it was yummy..’
Chatting on instant messengers seem to be better than this… a flowing conversation is better than a stilted one-sided commentary.
I suppose this change of heart and seemingly desperate action has been brought about by the book ‘The Narcissistic Epidemic’. And here I am, talking about my opinion… what a vicious cycle…
Right.. let’s get down to business… Me no longer on Facebook.. Me shall write more on this blog.. Shall be available for msn chats…
So farewell Facebook friends.. and hello to emails…
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Anniversary Day.. Oh Happy Day
It’s past midnight. Yesterday was an anniversary. It’s been a year since I first landed in Auckland.
I woke up hyper, raring to go. Had a breakfast date with some hotcakes and maple syrup.
Spent the whole day pretty hyper-ish. Happy cos I couldn’t believe that it’s been a year since I arrived here.
I look back, and see all the different events that happened, so that I could be where I am. And I’m pleased and amazed.
If certain things didn’t happen (financial difficulty, study overseas, dad passing away), I would have never had the opportunity to be where I am, be who I am today.
I’m happy cos:
- I’m in NZ, on a work visa, with the opportunity to apply for residency after
- I’m working in an exciting business
- I’m living in a wonderful place, where there’s lots of space
- I’m in a great relationship.. although at times he irks me… but that’s a given
I’m growing as an individual. Reading more, exploring, asking myself questions. Something I wouldn’t have the maturity nor patience to do before.
Right now, financially, it’s tight. News everywhere of doom and gloom. But I seem a light… a score of lights shining in the distance, and lighting my path.
I may be living on a very very tight budget, but I’m happy. Cos I know things can get better.
Right now.. it’s bliss. Utter bliss…
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Search for Self again….
It seems I’ve lost myself. In all the changes that’s happened. The upheaval. Move to NZ, change in environment, job, drama with ex-flatmate, settling in… Too caught up in the new business. Everything’s new. Was caught up in the thrill of it all, adrenalin pumping. And now… adrenalin’s faded a bit. Feeling more tired than normal. Might because I’m slightly burnt out, or it could be the pollen in the air.
I look back and see the things I used to do. Went out on my own, met friends now and then, did my own thing. There was free, easy-peasy kinda feel. Now it seems like I’m tied to my house. To work. My mind’s constantly churning. Thinking about work, thinking of developing my blogs/websites, thinking of how the heck am I gonna come up with money to get a return flight here in Feb.
Wanting to be the money-grabbing ‘ho that I know I am deep down, but restraining myself cos I’m worried of what I’d be perceived as. Like a money-grabbing ‘ho. Okay… maybe not to that extent.
Sure I may like new toys (gadgets and gizmos), but I’d prefer working for it. Gotta feel like I deserve it. Sure it would be lovely to be given stuff, but then I’d start worrying about the motives behind it. What would they want from me? This applies during Christmas as well…. tis the season to exchange gifts and one-up friends by getting more expensive toys. ‘Oh you got her a Gucci purse? Well I got her Paris Hilton’s dog.’
So now what? Meditation? Therapy? … not that I can afford that. Art therapy? Blog therapy? … cheaper versions… but do I really get to solve my issues. Since it’s one-sided. I need to have someone call out to me about them. On my issues. I have a number of them. Anyone who says they don’t… well that’s the evidence of at least 1 issue…. denial!
Working on myself…. delving deeper. Will it help? Does it help? Will that make me a better person? A better human being? A better homo sapien? Does it work? In this instant solution culture, I’m more inclined to quickly find a solution, fix it and move on. But it seems… it doesn’t work that way.
It takes time. Gotta have patience and perseverance. Both traits are something I’m sorely lacking of.
I suppose that’s why different situations happen. To test us. To teach us. Well doesn’t seem that I’m that fast a learner when it comes to patience… But we’ll see how it goes. It’ll work out in the end.
Don’t know how. Don’t know when. But somehow. If I die and it’s not, well I’m dead. It’s worked itself out.
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Uurrggghhhh….
Feeling a bit uurrggghhhh…. heard somethings that weren’t quite what I’d like to hear. Thought I could write about it but I can’t be arsed… Lazy git that I am. So instead, wept and doodled. And came up with a pic that pretty much sums it up….
It might be temporary… it might be me misconstruing things… but this is how I felt. Still a bit upset… Listening to Pink… perfect rebellious music to get my mind off things. To laugh it off and go ‘SO WHAT?!’…. Why should I care so much? And.. F*** it!!
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How do you….
How do you tell someone to f*** off? That they’re invading your space. As nice as it is to have them visit, it’s about time they left.
It’s more difficult to say when it’s your mom. My mother is visiting. Flew in from Singapore on Wednesday last week. Been staying at my place since then. As nice as it was to see my mom again, it wasn’t pleasant to have her around at my place. Sure she brought me gifts [new phone with TV-viewing capabilities (kinda overkill for a phone feature), t-shirts, jumper, underwear (??), solar panel charger, watercolours (which I asked for... kinda expensive over here)]…. however it doesn’t quite make up for her starring, her blonde questions, her vagueness as to her plans here, and her babytalk to my dog and to me!!
Having being used to living on my own, doing things on my own… it’s difficult having to handle another person around. Someone who seems to want to invade into every crevice of my life. Who is somewhat determined to treat me like a 10 year old (or younger), is as vague as the blondest of blondes (no offense) out there, asks stupid questions, complains all the time ( “it’s so hot”, “she (my landlady aka flatmate) should do this and that “), and stares… and I do mean stare. It’s a rude stare. Here’s an example, I was sitting on my front steps, reading, enjoying the sun. She plops herself down on the seat beside me (invasion of space of sorts). My dog, Bess, was about to go over to say hello my neighbour and her young kids. I called Bess back. My mom then decided to wrap her arms around Bess and holding on tight, and… STARE at my neighbour and her kids like she’s never seen a person before. Which annoyed me to a great extent. I retorted why the hell is she staring, and went into my room.
I suppose I should try and relax. Perhaps analyze what it is that causes me to react in such a way. Perhaps I feel that my privacy and independence is being threatened. Personal space violated (although that seems to be a rather extreme word to be using…). Perhaps now I have the ability and maturity to look at my mother and see her flaws. See her as a person and not just a mother.
Perhaps… perhaps… perhaps…. maybe I should just do it….
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A continuation of the ultimatum. Would have thought that once I’ve moved out, everything would have been settled easily. But no…. the saga continues….
I paid a bond for the place, and getting it back now is a real hassle. Seems like she doesn’t want to give it back.
That to me is quite ludicrous. I left the place neat and tidy. Paid my rent on time. I left cos she strung me along. The whole cat-no-suggest-dog-oh-lab-ok-oh-wait-check-landlord thing. It’s quite frustrating. And it’s pissing my bf off.
Now it seems like I have to pull in the big guns, ie Dispute Tribunal. This has really left a bad taste in my mouth. I seriously feel disgusted. It’s distressing me and my bf. I really hate this. The heavy feeling in my chest. And no I don’t have heartburn.
I just want this over and done with. Just give me my bond money back and that’s it. What’s the point in dragging it on? It’s just for her own leisure. To make other people miserable.
F***!! Right now, I want a nice piece of ice cream. Something chocolatey. Something decadent. Oh wait… nope.. can’t do that. Cos I’m broke. Again….
Curse it all!! I need to vent! Perhaps blast music when I’m back, jiggle my butt till my boobs fall to the ground. Hhmmm… on second thoughts… perhaps not.
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Ultimatum
I generally hate having to give an ultimatum. But she left me no choice.
It was a week of drama at my place. Things are more settled now. I’m out, at a cafe, typing on my teeny laptop. Finally, able to write what happened. It’s impossible to type on the silicon keyboard I have at home. I sssssooooo dislike typing slow.
Right… back to the drama…. This will be a rather long spiel. It would have to go to months ago, where it all began… dum dum dum *omnious music sounds in the background*.
As some of you might well know, I live in a place that has a lovely big garden, a number of fruit trees, lots of wild ducks and native birds roam about. And that I live with a greenie. Someone who overly indulges in her 2 cats, is 50 but claims she’s in her 40′s, has failing eyesight, yet doesn’t want to get glasses cos she might seem old.
The whole flatting thing with her was quite uncomfortable for the first few months, but since she was away quite a bit, it seemed like I forgot how she was like. And now that she’s back from her latest trip… boy did I remember.
We had spoken months before about me getting a pet. I wanted a cat, she was reluctant cos she had 2 of her own. And of course, they had priority. Wouldn’t want to agitate the cats would we? So okay. That’s fine. Then she suggested the idea of a dog. I didn’t even consider it cos well I thought she wouldn’t go for it. That was weeks ago. Between that and last Friday, we had casual discussions about dogs, where it would stay etc. To say I was excited, is kinda mild.
So last week, I found a perfect dog. A) Good with cats (ie doesn’t think they’re food) B) Very obedient, and great with commands. So told her about said dog, on Sunday. Said how big she (the dog, Bess) was, how great she is etc. And flatmate said oh that’s fine. To me, that was the go-ahead. So I emailed Bess’ owner. And everything pretty much was a go. But (being the uberly considerate being that I am… yeah yeah I do have my moments) I thought it would be wise to call said flatmate and discuss when I could bring her in etc.
So… this is when the whole drama began…. she started by asking loads of questions, that if the dog didn’t get along with the cats could I return her etc. And other intrusive questions, which I felt weren’t her right to ask anyway. Cos the dog was going to be my responsibility not hers. Pretty much everything she said had the connotation that she didn’t think I knew what I was doing. ‘have you considered the financial responsibilities, have you considered this and that’. ‘Oh… well I’ll have to think about this. This is a lot to take in. And I’ll have to check with the landlord etc’.
That last bit pretty much stunned me to silence. To me, the fact that she wasn’t sure if it was okay with the landlord to have a dog here, was something she should have known and mentioned. She’s the leaseholder. She should have known better. If she wasn’t sure about it, she had weeks to say ‘oh hang on, let me check with the landlord’. But did she? Nope.
I had a morning talk with her a day or 2 after that. Telling her that I was upset. Why didn’t she ask the landlord first? That she should know better cos she’s the leaseholder. I wanted a 15-20 mins discussion, it said it became a 45 mins talk about her feelings. How she felt about it. And I’m going ‘what the f***?!’. So I set down an ultimatum. Check with the landlord. If it’s okay, but the dog doesn’t get along well with the cats, I’ll move. If the landlord says no, I’ll move. Told her to call the landlord and text me the same day.
Did I get a text? Nope. When I texted her in the afternoon, no reply. Next day, called the house phone. No one picked up. Okay no one’s in. Called her mobile, didn’t answer. Sent a text. Got a reply back. Asking if I was free, cos she wants to speak to me face-to-face. I texted back, “a simple yes or no would be suffice for now. details can be discussed later’. After that, zero contact from her. Not answering my calls nor texts. To me, that was a pretty straightforward ‘F*** you’ from her.
I’m a pretty logical, sensible person. Why am I pissed about this?
Here are the reasons:
- she as the leaseholder should know whether the owner allowed dogs or not. Even if she didn’t know, she should have checked. Which she didn’t. And she had weeks to do so.
- She assumed that our conversations about dogs were just offhand conversations. She doesn’t realize that we were talking about the same topic (dog in house). And when I pointed it out to her, she didn’t own up to her mistake.
- She pretty much said yes, and when I called to confirm, she turned around and said ‘wait but…’. Reneging on what she said earlier. That it was okay for Bess to live here.
- By not answering my texts and calls, she’s just saying she doesn’t respect me as a person. A ‘f*** you’ to my face.
On that same day, I sent her a text, saying that since she wasn’t answering my calls etc, and was incapable of answering a very simple question, here’s my notice. Got a note by my door when I got back that day. Saying that she understands that I’m upset, that she would prefer speaking to me face to face, that the landlord would come down on Sunday afternoon to talk to me.
Did I write a scathing note back? Yes I did. Capitalized words, double underlined some.
I mean come on. What’s the point of the landlord coming down? Yes or No would have been enough. I don’t need her to waste my time with all her ‘feelings’ bullshit. She just wants someone around so she doesn’t have to pay for the rent herself. It’s a household where she rules, things are done her way. She’s more intrusive, more naggy than my mother. Questions my judgement all the damn time. Heck, even my mother knows better than that.
So enough is enough. I found a new place today. It’s smaller and more expensive, but the owner is away during the week and back on weekends only. I’ll have the place to myself. It’s dog friendly, she doesn’t mind that Bess will be in the house etc. So now, I’m busying packing. Getting the keys to the new place tomorrow morning. Shall move in from Mon-thurs. Will seriously need to repack my things. Since it’s small. But it’s good. Need to get rid of a lot of stuff anyway.
So that’s it…. for now. Move this coming week. Getting my dog, Bess, on Friday. Settling her in over the weekend. And after that, hopefully it will be calm.
Tis a long blurb, but tis better to get it off my chest. And perhaps garner some sympathy. LOL
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A Breather….
Phew… A breather at last…
The past few days have been deliriously (such a delicious word, thought I’d pop that in) hectic.
The trade fair seems to be pretty slow. My business partner is there schmoozing, whilst I’m stuck in the office. Attempting to work. You see… trying to work when you’re alone… after months of working alongside somewhere, who’s always there to joke around… well it gets pretty boring alone. Even tried blasting the comedy channel (www.socialcrime.com .. it’s on itunes comedy list.. awesome standup comedy stuff) on high, to keep me awake and alert. Did that help? Not much. So did I manage to get any work done? Some…
I suppose it didn’t quite help that I had 2 pet male mice to keep an eye on. This morning just as I was about to leave, I did a quick check on the mice. And when I saw the male mice… seemingly frozen… I cursed (okay I said F***!) they seemed halfdead (happened once before to another male mice… sad to say.. he didn’t survive). Popped them into an empty tissue box and brought them along to work with me. Put in a little food, hoping that it would revive them.
Perhaps it was the fresh air or the cocooning gentle sway of the bus as it weaved around tight corners on thin roads, like an expert seamstress sewing. By the time I arrived at work, they had miraculously revived. Body was warm, fur was slick against their bodies (it gets puffy and weird, like they were electrocuted, when they’re half-dead), and their noses were twitching. I took that as a good sign.
Their cages are now sparkling clean. Fresh bedding (toilet rolls… well it’s cheap), fresh food, and new companions. I’ve connected the 2 small Habitrail Ovo Domes together. So Dawn, Eve, Singe and Burnt will now live happily ever after. And produce nice black (yeah I’m such a racist) babies. Well Dawn doesn’t seem that happy, but I’m sure it’ll all work out.
It’s 10pm. Weather’s crappy. Cold, windy with forecast of gale winds tomorrow. Oh joy… power cuts for the day… And it’s spring too! It’s supposed to be sunny, birds chirping, ducklings waddling, sun shining, flowers blooming and all that sort of shiny, idealized crap. But is it? Nope. Gloom, doom, silent and toe-numbing cold (ain’t got socks on).
Suppose I’d better tuck me, my cuppa Oolong tea [found out that it's good for digestion (I have such a delicate tummy), and that it suppresses appetite. Diet Bonus!] So need to lose some weight. When it’s warmer, it’s off for long walks in the sun, swimming (if the water isn’t freezing), and perhaps a lil taichi. But for now, it’s under the duvet, with 2 hot water bottles to keep the blood in my toes circulating, a hot cuppa and a good book (reading the diamond approach by almaas at the mo… it’s deep.. profoundly, thought provokingly deep… it’s good!).
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Oh Happy Day…
Oh happy day… Oh happy day…. *sings*
It’s pretty darn obvious that I’m in a good mood. Why?
Cos my work visa came through! YEAH! After months of going through paperwork, waiting and anxiety if I’ll make it, I DID! WOOHOO!!
So now its figuring out if I can cancel my return ticket (one which I bought when I came here) and get some refund. If not, it might have to be a trip to SG and a quick cheap flight back. The 1st option is the best.
I’ve always felt a little inadequate cos of my lack of erm.. paper qualifications (I know its a shocker.. Ms Anti-Social-Conformist). I emailed a couple of local schools here. Since I’m not a local, apparently I can’t study part-time without a study visa. Now that is just a bunch of bollocks. So I’ve been searching the net for an online or correspondence school. Did I find one?
Hell yeah!! www.sessions.edu It’s a great place that has all the courses that I’m interested in.
Only thing is that well it’ll be about US$9000 to sign up. It’s heck of a lot cheaper than studying in NZ as an international student, but it’s a big enough sum to raise blood pressure (lowly graphic designer here…). But that amount is till 30th Sept.. it’s gonna go up after that. Wonder how high the hike will be. Hhmmm…
So it’s eyes, toes, fingers, arms, legs and tongue crossed that I’ll be able to scrounge up the money somehow. This week’s lotto is $20M.. definitely gonna get a ticket. Winning even a little bit of it, would be enough for me. Enough to pay for that course, to get a glass tank and aspen bedding (I know.. pampered creatures.. but pine is bad for them) for my mice, driving license, a dog (I love creatures… 
)… That’s all..
I thought I’d be somewhat cheeky and add a donation button. So if there’s anyone out there with spare change, who would like to help a budding graphic design, do donate.
LOL.. now how narcissistic can that be.. well I suppose nothing ventured.. nothing gained…
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